What would you do if the beautiful Angelina Jolie approached you "randomly" on a train while you are in a foreign country? Probably double check to make sure it wasn't the Octo-Mom trying for another 15 minutes of fame for playing out a scene from Jolie's last flick. The Tourist is one of those films you wish you hadn't seem no matter how many reasons there were telling you to go. Yes it looked like it had potential of being something great. Yes it is a collaboration between some of the hottest stars in Hollywood. Yes you even would have believed that it could have been great. Unfortunately it turned out to be almost as disappointing as Skyline.
The Tourist should have been "the next big thing" and comparable to Mr. & Mrs. Smith, but other than the premise of the film (and a dance shared between our characters) there is very little that even came close. I wanted there to be passion, action and heavy gun fire. I wanted to see Depp give us some serious action. I wanted Jolie to be the action star we all thought she was. But none of that came. I don't know if it is age catching up (however if The Expenibles can pull it off so should Jolie and Depp) or if parenthood has just tripped them up a bit now that both leads are between big flicks. Even the amazing Paul Bettany (Legion and Creation)was a surprising bore.
The Tourist felt almost like a gentle nod to the classic Bond films. You know, the ones that today's film go-ers would fall asleep during (present party included while attempting to watch Goldfinger). Yes they are classics and nothing can touch them, but they are classics for a reason and should be left alone. When we are given something like The Tourist we have certain expectations. We want what could have been the perfect blend of Mr. & Mrs. Smith meets Salt. Instead we were given the grandparent of those films it moved at such a slow pace I almost thought time itself had slowed. Had I not been sitting in the middle of the theater I would have walked out in the hopes that I could use the remained of the night to actually get something (anything) accomplished.
Aside from the tease the film gives us with a quick glimpse of Rufus Sewell (Dark City), who should have been someone to the story but in fact left us confused and unsatisfied, there should have been something left for viewers to walk away from the film feeling. But it left me with nothing but an empty hole. The Tourist is a weak attempt at a "spy vs spy" film regardless of the talent and A-list names that have been dragged into leading roles. For this being the first time (and at this rate - hopefully the only time) we get to see Jolie and Depp together on the big screen it was as big a let down as Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. I have never before said that a Jolie or Depp film has been bad or lacking, but I will scream it from the top of the Empire State Building if I have to. You all have let down a great admirer of your work, and I am truly sorry to have wasted my time with you on this journey. Please spare us the next time you plan to work together as I would much rather watch you kick ass individually than be disappointed like this again.
Over the years I have watched more horror films than I can keep track of. Within my circle of friends I have acquired a reputation for watching just about anything, no matter how good or bad the film may be. I would even admit to owning some films that have shocked quite a number of people. I thoroughly enjoy the sexploitation films the feature Pam Grier, I seek out b-rated horror films and sometimes find a charm like The Trilogy of Terror, and I even brave those films that have been hidden behind other DVDs long enough to collect dust. Yes, I watch just about anything. However, over the past few years I have come to expect certain things out of specific films or directors of said films. Sometimes those expectations are met and others leave me sitting at a buffet table spattered in human remains feeling starved because what I though out be the beginning appetizer ended up being the entire feast.
I went out tonight expecting to be given an all you can eat horror feast from the new release Legion. What I was given was a few decent appetizers, an entree that looked delicious but had not flavor, and a desert that included freezer burnt ice cream. The film's marketing/PR team did one hell of a job getting the word out, but for the articles that I read regarding the film I did not get what I was being sold. I was pumped up and ready to go on the wild ride in the tiny dinner in the hopes to save mankind, but as I sat in the dark theater I had a hard time focusing on the action.
With this film being Scott Stewart's directorial debut, I felt slightly overwhelmed by some of his shooting choices. I looked forward to seeing what he would have in store for us, but the final product left me with a slightly empty feeling. It reminded me of what it felt like to watch Tarantino's Inglorious Basterds where I expected the film to be similar to his previous projects but was not given the blood and violence I have come to associate with Tarantino films. I expected to see certain things as they were described in detail in horror magazines, but the images they painted for me were none existant. Granted they may have just ended up on the cutting room floor, but for whatever reason I was not given what appeared to be a promising film. The only other thing I can think is that maybe it was his choice in shooting style and cast that limited things. Not only will you not think of angels in quite the same way, but you will never be able to hear an ice cream truck and feel that warm, joyous feeling knowing that the ice cream man is coming. Then again the ice cream man has never really been one of the friendliest people in my personal experience.
With a surprise in cast, you are left wondering why some of the actors were cast in their respective roles. Some should never be let into the horror genre again, as they were just not believable outside of their track record in ABC drama series. And even though I did love the 'darkness' of the film, I hoped for a little bit of light so that I could at least see some of the blood and violence that was taking place. With a large portion of the film taking place during the night or in a boarded up diner, the shadows hide the aspects of the film that made it so appealing. I wanted to be able to see what was going on, and not just witness a split second because it was mixed with the shadows and curtains. I know film is all about the power of illusion and the magic that happens behind the wizard's curtain, but this film's curtain was larger than was necessary. We were also teased with the promise of mass carnage, and then left hanging as the film quickly moved right from one thought to another.
Paul Bettany was by far the best part of the film. Michael was not only the most interesting character in the entire film, the most believable, but even as a "mortal" he kicked more ass than could have been expected. His introduction is where i felt a bit of a lack-luster. I wanted to witness his change from angel to mortal that Fangoria had promised us but it was nothing but shadows and dark clouds in the form of silhouettes. If only Bettany's influence had empowered the rest of the film. It wasn't until the battle between angles did we get another surge of hope for the film to turn around. The fight was fun, like any good fight should be. But the dialog was so painful the there was little that could be done for the film before it ended.
Legion showed a young director on his way of beginning his career. The writing was lacking, but the idea and concept was a nice take on a story that has been played in several different notes. The film is not horrible, but do not go in expecting more than what it is. If you take the film as just that you may get enough to enjoy it, otherwise it can just be written off as first film and we can look forward to hoping for a slightly better take during round two in Scott Stewart's next film Priest which is due to hit theaters later this year. I give this film a 2.5 out 5.
